Never insult an alligator until after u hav crossed da river…

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A James Cagney love scene is one where he lets the other guy live.

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All men are equal before fish.

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As a child my family’s menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.

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Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling.

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Everyone has photographic memory; some just don’t have the film.

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To find out a girl’s faults, praise her to her girl friends.

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I’m trying to read a book on how to relax, but I keep falling asleep

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Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship.

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My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.

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The road to success is always under construction

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I hate women because they always know where things are.

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What is better than wisdom? Woman. And what is better than a good woman? Nothing.